A Little Lipstick

They’ll Never Notice a Thing

I’m the first one to say there’s no such thing as boating perfectly. I am the first to recommend just getting on the water rather than delaying to the moment when you think you are entirely ready to take the helm. 

But I also have a little pride and so while I am learning to navigate and dock like a pro. .. . there are a few easy tips to move me in the direction of “looking” like a pro while I am in the process of actually being one. As my Grandmother would say, “Honey, just put on a little lipstick - they’ll never notice a thing.” Here’s a little lipstick list:

STRANGLING THE CLEAT

Here’s the thing about a cleat - it wants to do it’s job. It is available to us at all times as a happy little aid to keep our boat on the dock. All we need to do is wrap our bow line simply - around it, do a figure 8, then lock the wrap and walk away. The boat will stay on the dock forever like this. New boaters insist on wrapping and wrapping and double crossing and figure eighting a cleat to death. Not necessary. Trust me. 

BOW LINE 

The bow line goes UNDER the bow rail - never OVER. This is an easy mistake to make since it is so much easier to just hand off the line rather than thread it under the bow rail. The problem with putting the line over the rail is that eventually you will be in a situation where the line, under the bouncing of the waves or because of a severe tide change, will  trap the bowrail and bend it or dent it and you will find yourself with a repair on your hands and a blaring announcement to the novice ways of the boat owner.

HEAVING the ANCHOR

Robin Curusoe anyone? The HEAVE Ho really only happens in the movies. When you actually try to do a heave ho, a couple things happen: the anchor gets tangled up in the chain, the flukes never land in the direction you want them to go, and the heaver tweaks her back while throwing and occasionally even goes overboard with the anchor due to poor release timing. Just lower the anchor into the water, hand over hand until it hits the bottom of the sea. Works every time. 

DON’T KNOW THE KNOT? TIE A LOT

The right over left, left over right granny knot will probably do the job of keeping your boat on the dock - especially if you tie that knot 15 times in a row. But that kind of tangle is impossible to get undone in a hurry (and sometimes even when you aren’t in a hurry), but even worse -  it all about shouts that we don’t know what we are doing! Learn to tie one knot correctly and you will avoid this problem. Learn to tie a bowline. If tied correctly, it won’t ever come undone, it is always EASY to get undone when you are ready to go, and you will look like a pro.

YELLING

Let’s not yell. Not only is it entirely uncivilized, but it is usually a sign that the captain is clueless about what to do behind the wheel. Rather, stand back, assess your situation, make a plan of action and then act on it. If it doesn’t go as planned, back up, reapply your lipstick, make another plan and go at it again. Just don’t yell. 

Email me at shesatsea@gmail.com with your boating stories or if you need a boating lesson to learn to confidently take the  helm!