So you Want to Be a Better Mate?
All Hands on Deck
Someone recently inquired about taking my boat handling course to learn to be a better mate.
My first inclination was to tell her that the mate’s job is totally overrated and she should really strive to be the captain.
It is so much easier to be the captain.
You get to make all the decisions. You don’t have to stay for . . . “just one more fish” when everyone is tired, hungry, cold and wet. You can choose to go around the lightning storm rather than through it. You can stop and look at a chart if you think you might be lost. . . It’s just an all around better gig to be the captain.
However. . . the question of how to be a better mate is thoughtful, and comes from a place of maturity. For so many reasons, we don’t always get to be the captain of our own ships. And so before we take on the role of mate, it’s worth it to take a few minutes to drill down on how to do the job. And it’s definitely worth it to have a dialog with our preferred captain on these few points before leaving the dock.
A Good Mate is only as Good as Her Captain: In theory, there’s only one captain on board, and it’s the captain’s job to give clear, concise directions in response to the actions she is taking or is going to take at the helm. An inexperienced or simply inept captain may not know what she wants her mate to do because she doesn’t know what she needs to be doing. If the captain is unsure of her own role, she will never be able to verbalize how the mate can be helpful. Unfortunately, not all captains are willing to admit they don’t know what they’re doing - and this usually results in bad instructions, no instructions, berating, or even blame directed at the mate. Mate Takeaway - Choose your captain wisely.
A Good Mate Sets Boundaries: Boating is supposed to be fun. The mate is not the slave. She does not have to lug all the toys to and from the boat, make all the sandwiches, clean the decks, pour drinks, and attend to everyone’s last sunscreen issues. The mate is allowed to explain to the captain and the passengers what her job description is. Mate Takeaway - If your job is starting to look like slave labor - hit reset with your boating tribe so boating becomes fun again for everyone on board.
A Good Mate Does Not Respond to Yelling: Yelling does not make boating fun. A good mate will make it clear to the captain how she expects to be treated. This may be an uncomfortable conversation - but ultimately necessary. Mate Takeaway - Demand and give respect, always.
A Good Mate will Not BackSeat Drive: The mate must let the captain do her job. Nagging, questioning, or berating is annoying for the person behind the wheel. No one boats perfectly - and the captain deserves the benefit of the doubt that she is probably doing the best job she can. Mate Takeaway - Unless your safety is threatened, let the captain captain.
A Good Mate is Willing to Learn: A good mate asks questions, practices the knots, pays attention and is willing to admit what she does and doesn’t know. A good mate is willing to do the job the way the captain wants it done - if the captain asks for a clove hitch - tie a clove hitch. If the captain wants the fenders on - put on fenders. Mate Takeaway - Every outing is one more opportunity to learn (how to boat and how not to boat!).
A healthy captain mate relationship requires dedication from both parties. Setting boundaries and renouncing slave status might be a little tricky at first, but ultimately, everyone is happier when the mate is happy!
Email me , Captain Elizabeth Jolin, at shesatsea@gmail.com to let me know some of your successful mating stories!